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  1-Feb-12, 00:01   #1
Dlkiv's blonde jokes and more :) +1 

Joined: Aug '08
Location: Canada
Age: 52 (F)
Posts: 2558
#1-A young blonde fears her husband is having an affair. She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps off the bed and starts begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband: "Shut up, you're next."

#2-A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

#3-( I LOVE this one Big Smile ) My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed. I never knew they worked.

#4-The Pregnant Blonde

There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pregnancy checkups.

The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby conceived?"

"He was on top", she replied.
"You will have a boy!" the doctor exclaimed.

The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top", was the reply.
"you will have a baby girl." said the doctor.

With this, the third women, a blonde, burst into tears. "Whats the matter?" asked the doc.

"Am I going to have puppies?"... Big Smile Big Smile

  1-Feb-12, 17:42   #2

Joined: Jan '11
Location: United States
Age: 36 (M)
Posts: 852
A grandfather and a grandson go on a fishing trip. While sitting in the boat grandpa opens up a bottle of whiskey to sip. grandson says
" Grandpa can I have a sip?" grandpa ponders for a moment then asks. "Well grandson can your d**k touch your ass?" To which the grandson replies "No."
"Well I'm sorry grandson you can't have any of my whiskey."
After a little more time passes grandpa pulls out his pipe & begins to pack it. Grandson asks
"Grandpa can I smoke your pipe?"
To which grandpa replies " Well grandson can your d**k touch your ass?"
To which the frustrated grandson replied "No."
Now just a short while later, grandson pulls out a bag of grandma's homemade cookies and began snacking. Grandpa perked up and said "Grandson are those grandma's homemade cookies? May I have one?"
After finishing his cookie the grandchild looked at Grandpa and asked "Well grandpa can your d**k touch your ass?"
Grandpa smiled and said "Why yes, yes it can grandson."
"Good grandpa, then go f**k yourself." said the grandchild.

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