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  6-Mar-12, 17:49   #1
Dlkiv's blonde jokes +2 
dlkiv 

Joined: Aug '08
Location: Canada
Age: 51 (F)
Posts: 2558
A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.

The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?

Is it........

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."

"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...

No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.

Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."

(ringing)

Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."

Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.

The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.

There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."

Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush"

Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."

Barbara: "You think?"

Maggie: "I'm sure."

Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)

Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"

Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Barbara: "It is."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."

Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

(clapping)

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."
Big Smile Big Smile Big Smile


Donations
A blonde, brunette, and redhead went to a church to donate money. The brunette draws a circle around her and throws up all her money.

She says that whatever lands inside the circle is for God, and whatever lands outside of the circle she keeps.

The redhead then draws a line, stands on it, and throws up all of her money. She said that whatever lands on the right side of the line is for God, and whatever lands on the left side she keeps.

The blonde throws up her money, and yells,"God, whatever you catch is yours, and whatever you don't I get to keep."


Big Smile Big Smile Big Smile

The Cliff And The Blondes.
A smart blonde and a dumb blonde both jump off a cliff at the same time. Who lands first?

The dumb blonde because smart blondes don't exist.


Big Smile Big Smile Big Smile

Blonde Shoots Herself
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.

Well, I was trying to commit suicide, the blonde replied.

"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"

"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."

"And then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

"And then?"

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

Big Smile Big Smile Big Smile

Empire State Building
A bleached blonde and a natural blonde were on top of the Empire State Building.

How do you tell them apart?

The bleached blonde would never throw bread to the helicopters.


Big Smile Big Smile Big Smile
just plain dumb
A blonde and a redhead were sitting together having drinks, when the blonde noticed a man walking towards them with an arm full of long stem red roses. The blonde says to the redhead, "isn't that your husband coming carrying all those roses?"

The redhead says, yes it is.

The blonde responds by saying, "Oh you are so lucky".

The redhead says, "No I'm not. All that means is that I have to spend the whole week-end flat on my back, with my legs in the air and spread apart."

The blonde says, "Oh my, don't you have a vase to put them in"?



Big Smile Big Smile Big Smile

Edited by dlkiv (Tuesday, March 06, 2012 @ 17:50 GMT)


     
  6-Mar-12, 20:31   #2
  0 
B1gfoot 

Joined: Mar '08
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 37 (M)
Posts: 6714
The second one proves not all blonds are dumb Smile

     
  6-Mar-12, 21:05   #3
  0 
Mober 
Joined: Mar '09
Location: Greece
Age: 39 (F)
Posts: 10045
Really nice ones.
I liked the most the last one Smile

     
  6-Mar-12, 21:26   #4
  0 
Arithmajik 

Joined: Feb '11
Location: Canada
Age: 32 (M)
Posts: 1568
Ha ha, loved the feeding the helicopters one.

And yep, agree with B1gfoot, the second one seems more clever, heh heh.

     
  6-Mar-12, 23:46   #5
  0 
Jkkpot 

Joined: Dec '11
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 53 (F)
Posts: 21
This blonde doesn't get it Confused

     
  7-Mar-12, 01:21   #6
  0 
jessthehuman 

Joined: Apr '09
Location: Australia
Age: 32 (M)
Posts: 6441
Posted by dlkiv:

Empire State Building
A bleached blonde and a natural blonde were on top of the Empire State Building.

How do you tell them apart?

The bleached blonde would never throw bread to the helicopters.




I know it's a joke and all... Buuuut - I've always thought of bleach blondes to be the "ditsy" ones..

     
  7-Mar-12, 02:01   #7
  0 
TheMachineQC 

Joined: Apr '10
Location: Canada
Age: 27 (M)
Posts: 2126
Nice jokes!

Posted by jessthehuman:
Posted by dlkiv:

Empire State Building
A bleached blonde and a natural blonde were on top of the Empire State Building.

How do you tell them apart?

The bleached blonde would never throw bread to the helicopters.




I know it's a joke and all... Buuuut - I've always thought of bleach blondes to be the "ditsy" ones..


So true! I know some very smart natural blondes, but most of the bleached ones with 2 tons of makeup seem superficial (wich equals dumb to me). Big Smile However, generalizing is bad Blink

     
  7-Mar-12, 02:08   #8
  0 
jessthehuman 

Joined: Apr '09
Location: Australia
Age: 32 (M)
Posts: 6441
Posted by TheMachineQC:
However, generalizing is bad Blink


Haha yeah definitely

Posted by TheMachineQC:
So true! I know some very smart natural blondes, but most of the bleached ones with 2 tons of makeup seem superficial (wich equals dumb to me).


But yes this.

     
  7-Mar-12, 08:41   #9
  -1 
Jkkpot 

Joined: Dec '11
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 53 (F)
Posts: 21
Blondes may be dumb but I'm sure we have some good attributes. Last night I tiptoed past the medicine cabinet so I would not wake the sleeping pills.

     
  9-Mar-12, 12:18   #10
  0 
marqis 

Joined: Sep '10
Location: Netherlands
Age: 48 (M)
Posts: 1631
Posted by TheMachineQC:
So true! I know some very smart natural blondes, but most of the bleached ones with 2 tons of makeup seem superficial (wich equals dumb to me). Big Smile However, generalizing is bad Blink

Shouldn't that be "Generalizing is always bad"?

     
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