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Should I add even more poker strategy into the Story
 

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  22-Jan-13, 21:58   #1
Short Story promise, a Beginning " The Bluff " +2 
RoninHarper 

Joined: Nov '12
Location: Canada
Age: 48 (M)
Posts: 4440
G'day mates
( Weenie here is a quick start of an idea, shall I keep going? )

Sweat beaded along Steve's forehead as he looked at his dwindling chip stack. He knew that MTT's were marathons and not sprints and God knows he had played his share of tournaments lately, but damn this one had been one hell of a monster roller coaster ride. Everything started out so well, and it went to crap so fast is all he could think to himself.
Steve had been card dead for the last 40 minutes and the blinds after 3.5 hours of play had grown to 5K/10k with a 1K anti every hand and the last 40 minutes had seen his beautiful chip stack get reduced down to just over 13500 chips. The blinds were going to increase again soon and he was getting so close to the money if only he could hold on to at least get his $22 buy in back.
Slow playing every hand by running every second of his decision clock for the last twenty minutes slowed the bleeding down to a trickle. Now with just 6 places to go until the money he wakes up with pocket kings, knowing the blinds will take him out in two hands if he folds he has no choice but to play the kings and hope for the best. The first to act is a Russian moron who loves to play every hand and almost never folds, and Steve can't understand how this suck out king even lasted to this point in the tournament.
The damned Russian bastard shoves all in pre-flop for $136564 chips, Oh God damn it Steve is unable to keep himself from cursing out load, He knows he has to call this moron who is probably bluffing, even though the bastard has been caught shoving with any two freaking cards there is a sick feeling in Steve's stomach as he runs his clock and then calls, much to his relief everyone else folds and the cards are flipped over to be seen.
Steve's heart begins to soar when he sees the Russians hole cards are a Queen diamonds and a 8 of clubs, so his two red Kings are a huge favorite to win. The flop comes out 9c 10c 7c, Steve's heart begins to sink as he realizes the Russian now has a straight flush draw, a flush draw and an open ended straight draw. So many way for him to lose he does not even bother to count all the damned outs.
The turn come out and it is a 10h and Steve sees a little hope as he begins screaming "King 10, King 10, King 10" at his monitor screen begging, no pleading for a boat.
The river card comes down and it is an Ace of Spades. Damn it Steve shoats but then realizes it not a club so his kings just held up.
Steve throws his arms up and yells, "Yes! Oh thank you God, I'm going to make the money", With a tremendous sense of relief he watches the chips slide across his screen and into his chip stack. His next two cards get dealt to him and he is looking down at Ace of spades and 9 of hearts which he runs his clock on before folding.

(What do you think Mobsters shall I continue?) Smile



     
  22-Jan-13, 22:06   #2
  0 
thefly131 
Joined: Jun '10
Location: Belgium
Age: 43 (M)
Posts: 1343
This could be a real poker novel....

with some help from pochui (some sexy poker babes) this could be a real succes

     
  22-Jan-13, 22:51   #3
  0 
justblazed1 

Joined: May '12
Location: United States
Age: 32 (M)
Posts: 156
did ya make the $ ? Big Smile

     
  22-Jan-13, 23:09   #4
  0 
Greenmohave 

Joined: Jan '11
Location: United States
Age: 52 (M)
Posts: 3361
Loved reading what you documented so far. What's great once you give the story a chance it draws you in and you don't want to stop reading. That's what makes this so good. That's also what makes good stories interesting. Something that draws you in to the point your there sitting by Steve wishing him the best and wanting to see what happens next.

I can read stuff like this all day. If, I didn't have to work!

     
  22-Jan-13, 23:22   #5
  0 
bullettooth1 

Joined: Mar '11
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 32 (M)
Posts: 1635
Yeah that's a great little story. Wasn't planning on reading the whole thing but it was the end before I knew it lol. My heart even started beating a bit faster lol. I think everyone can relate to how that guy was feeling.

Keep up the good work Thumbs Up

     
  22-Jan-13, 23:23   #6
  0 
Weenie 
Joined: Aug '12
Location: Slovakia
Age: 29 (M)
Posts: 678
definitively continue buddy. I want to know how Steve finished Big Smile

     
  22-Jan-13, 23:35   #7
  0 
awood88 
Joined: Feb '08
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 28 (M)
Posts: 1881
I gotta say I like the short story idea. I wrote a fictional story of my own in this forum nearly three years ago and I got a lot of support for a while. Unfortunately replies sorta dried up and I stopped after about 12 parts, leaving the story hanging in midair. It was fun while it lasted.

If you don't mind criticism on your story, I'd say two things. Firstly, a little background on your character would be nice. Whilst we all enjoy poker, a single poker hand isn't so exciting. Twenty dollars isn't that much either. Your writing style is quite good but it's very hard to get any tension, any excitement or any comedy from a fairly boring hand. If this was a HH post it wouldn't be worth commenting on so I commend you for making it interesting.
Secondly, I don't know if you're trying to make your protagonist idiotic but he doesn't sound like someone who should be dishing out strategy advice. Running the clock down is so bad, it doesn't even help due to synchronized hands. It is not good strategy to play to min-cash and card-dead or not you should never allow yourself to be blinded out. If you want to include lots of strategy in your story, you should prepare for your thread to be filled with debate and hand analysis, which may or may not improve your short-story thread.
Don't take my criticism too hard and keep going. Thumbs Up

     
  23-Jan-13, 00:34   #8
  0 
RoninHarper 

Joined: Nov '12
Location: Canada
Age: 48 (M)
Posts: 4440
G'day mate

Well I would like to say that this opening page was written originally just to entertain Weenie and whomever else might be amused by it.
It is a total work of Fiction. None of the events has taken place. It is NOT meant as a hand analysis posting.
Its purpose is to entertain only. I have made the lead character Steve the way he is on purpose and plan to flush him out as the story goes onward.
I dropped the reader into the middle of the action in order to make things seem a little more real and feel honest. I fully intend to make him become a better player over time. Smile

Try to relax and enjoy what might become a cute little short story.

Be cool mates and good luck to you all.

Ronin Cool

     
  23-Jan-13, 05:00   #9
  0 
rbdflyboy 

Joined: Apr '11
Location: Canada
Age: 60 (M)
Posts: 1222
Creates empathy for Steve as he tries to hang on hoping the "second season" (hockey playoffs) opens up a whole new world after clearing the bubble. May not be the most correct way to play, although it can and does happen. Good job Bud! Smile

     
  23-Jan-13, 05:22   #10
  0 
Mysik86 

Joined: Nov '11
Location: Poland
Age: 30 (M)
Posts: 773
Posted by thefly131:
with some help from pochui (some sexy poker babes) this could be a real succes


Haha Big Smile I see that pochui is well-recognized mostly for their babes Blink

RoninHarper - do you consider to wirte a novel, then sell it to famous movie director to make a great block-buster movie, and then lay on your cash? Dollar Dollar Dollar

     
  23-Jan-13, 07:59   #11
  0 
pochui 

Joined: May '08
Location: Lithuania
Age: 32 (M)
Posts: 8633
Posted by Mysik86:
Posted by thefly131:
with some help from pochui (some sexy poker babes) this could be a real succes


Haha Big Smile I see that pochui is well-recognized mostly for their babes Blink

to be recognized in a poker forum for sexy babes tells a lot about your poker skills Big Smile

------------
Posted by RoninHarper:
(What do you think Mobsters shall I continue?) Smile

u definitely should Thumbs Up
it would be pretty cool to have an official brm forum poker novel of some sort...i thought it could be even self-published...looked at the numbers- a 250 page soft-cover book with shipping included would cost around $10-12 only...maybe brm would allow to use mobpoints to cover the purchase price...another option would be to publish a free e-book (or do both- printed & e-book)

------------
Posted by thefly131:
This could be a real poker novel....

with some help from pochui (some sexy poker babes) this could be a real succes

i imagine myself as an illustrator, though i dunno what will this book look in the end more like: a poker novel or "101 melons you must see in your life"

Edited by pochui (Wednesday, January 23, 2013 @ 08:13 GMT)


     
  23-Jan-13, 09:23   #12
  0 
3paulx 
Joined: Feb '11
Location: Philippines
Age: 31 (M)
Posts: 87
when will the next part gonna be posted here? lol i was left hanging for a moment ! but hey thats a good one , if it was like a bit more of a strip poker then im sure you will get many readers out there lol! there's some part i can relate to like a russian player shoved all-in and i called with rockets instantly but got sucked out he hit quads he was holding AQoff the flop was QQ10A ----- and another Q on the river!

     
  23-Jan-13, 15:56   #13
  0 
RoninHarper 

Joined: Nov '12
Location: Canada
Age: 48 (M)
Posts: 4440
G'day mates

I will sit down and write part 2 today in a couple hours. I am currently playing in a tournament so not going to be writing much more till i'm done making some coin. Smile

Be cool and best of luck.

Ronin Cool

     
  23-Jan-13, 15:59   #14
  0 
jessthehuman 

Joined: Apr '09
Location: Australia
Age: 32 (M)
Posts: 6441
Good one! Looking forward to part#2!


And yes, I remember your story awood!

     
  23-Jan-13, 18:24   #15
  0 
Mober 
Joined: Mar '09
Location: Greece
Age: 39 (F)
Posts: 10021
awood i dont know where you have seen that before, but the only time the hands are synchronised,
as far as i know, is in hand to hand mode usually one or two places before the money,
or when you are already in the money and the prize goes up, like in Party Poker.

     
  23-Jan-13, 18:49   #16
  0 
awood88 
Joined: Feb '08
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 28 (M)
Posts: 1881
Posted by Mober:
awood i dont know where you have seen that before, but the only time the hands are synchronised,
as far as i know, is in hand to hand mode usually one or two places before the money,
or when you are already in the money and the prize goes up, like in Party Poker.


Yes I know this. But in the story Steve is waiting for the bubble to burst. I know that he says there are six places to go but there is still no reason to run the clock down. It usually takes several more table revolutions to burst the bubble in mtts and my point was that when you get to the bubble hand it is pointless to run the clock down before you go all-in because the player who started with least chips will bubble even if a player with more chips gets knocked out earlier in the same hand. There is no excuse to purposely run the clock down.

     
  23-Jan-13, 19:32   #17
  0 
pinku135 
Joined: Sep '12
Location: India
Age: 24 (M)
Posts: 335
Good day everyone Smile
That was a good read indeed .... a nice little story .. a very good narration ... your story has a lot of room for development and indeed you can turn it into a good small book ... it would be really nice to read something like this ... with a lot of twists , turns and suspense the story would be really nice ... i would say you must continue with this one Smile

Good luck at the tables Thumbs Up Thumbs Up

     
  23-Jan-13, 22:13   #18
  0 
RoninHarper 

Joined: Nov '12
Location: Canada
Age: 48 (M)
Posts: 4440
Posted by RoninHarper:
G'day mates
( Weenie here is a quick start of an idea, shall I keep going? )

Sweat beaded along Steve's forehead as he looked at his dwindling chip stack. He knew that MTT's were marathons and not sprints and God knows he had played his share of tournaments lately, but damn this one had been one hell of a monster roller coaster ride. Everything started out so well, and it went to crap so fast is all he could think to himself.
Steve had been card dead for the last 40 minutes and the blinds after 3.5 hours of play had grown to 5K/10k with a 1K anti every hand and the last 40 minutes had seen his beautiful chip stack get reduced down to just over 13500 chips. The blinds were going to increase again soon and he was getting so close to the money if only he could hold on to at least get his $22 buy in back.
Slow playing every hand by running every second of his decision clock for the last twenty minutes slowed the bleeding down to a trickle. Now with just 6 places to go until the money he wakes up with pocket kings, knowing the blinds will take him out in two hands if he folds he has no choice but to play the kings and hope for the best. The first to act is a Russian moron who loves to play every hand and almost never folds, and Steve can't understand how this suck out king even lasted to this point in the tournament.
The damned Russian bastard shoves all in pre-flop for $136564 chips, Oh God damn it Steve is unable to keep himself from cursing out load, He knows he has to call this moron who is probably bluffing, even though the bastard has been caught shoving with any two freaking cards there is a sick feeling in Steve's stomach as he runs his clock and then calls, much to his relief everyone else folds and the cards are flipped over to be seen.
Steve's heart begins to soar when he sees the Russians hole cards are a Queen diamonds and a 8 of clubs, so his two red Kings are a huge favorite to win. The flop comes out 9c 10c 7c, Steve's heart begins to sink as he realizes the Russian now has a straight flush draw, a flush draw and an open ended straight draw. So many way for him to lose he does not even bother to count all the damned outs.
The turn come out and it is a 10h and Steve sees a little hope as he begins screaming "King 10, King 10, King 10" at his monitor screen begging, no pleading for a boat.
The river card comes down and it is an Ace of Spades. Damn it Steve shoats but then realizes it not a club so his kings just held up.
Steve throws his arms up and yells, "Yes! Oh thank you God, I'm going to make the money", With a tremendous sense of relief he watches the chips slide across his screen and into his chip stack. His next two cards get dealt to him and he is looking down at Ace of spades and 9 of hearts which he runs his clock on before folding.

(What do you think Mobsters shall I continue?) Smile



G'day Mobsters here is part #2

Steve was somewhat antsy as he looked at his two new hold cards they were the Ace & King of hearts and the tournament was still literally on the bubble. The last eight hands had all been hand for hand play as they were exactly one away from the money and several players was desperately trying to hold out to get there buy ins back. Steve could not remember the last time he played in a tournament which had gone so long on the button. He was in good shape to make the money if he just was patient. He was in middle position with four hands to go before the big blind cost him 12K in chips and although the ante was currently 1.5K each hand he felt ok considering.
He breathed deeply and started talking things through to help himself make a decision. He did keep his voice lowered as to not wake up his girlfriend Amber who was asleep and need to work in the morning. The First player to act was a really nice player from the United Kingdom who he had a note on about being a solid player and a great fellow at a table, and he opened with a standard 3 bet.
Steve spoke "Ok buddy, nice standard raise there so not a lot of info to be gained there, but you did stay in the hand so I'm going to put you on a pair of 10's or better of big suited connectors."
The next player was new to the table last hand and he knew nothing about this guy. The UTG+1 re-raised to six big blinds very fast in might have been hot keyed.
speaking again, " Well that sucks, I wish I knew something about you, but I got nothing on you. Where you from bud?"
Sliding his mouse pointer over top the player told him the new player was from Canada, which really did not set off major alarms. The next to act was Steve's favorite moron at the table the Russian whom he just loved to hate. The Russian shoved all in pre flop for the 5th straight hand which was a bet of $112674 chips. It was Steve's turn to act and he spoke to himself quickly as his clocked ticked down.
"Ok well I got great cards but we are on the button, and how many times have I lost on the button with these kinds of cards? Too many times to count, all I got in the pot is the ante, Oh s**t the tournament lobby is showing the smallest stack is $0 chips so someone has busted out. If I fold I am guaranteed to money. If I risk it all and lose I might still miss out. screw it I'm going to play it safe and at least get my buy in back with a small profit."
Having though things through Steve folded his Ace King and watched the hand. The hand ended up having 4 players involved.
The flop came down and Steve had to smile to himself it was the 6c 7d 4s
The turn was the 7s
The river was the Jh
The winner of the had was the player from the United Kingdom with pocket Jacks, Which turned into a nice little boat. A boat that cracked the Canadian's pocket Aces wide open. The truly great thing was the Russian was just eliminated which just made Steve night.

Part 3 to follow Smile

Ronin Cool

     
  24-Jan-13, 08:33   #19
  0 
pochui 

Joined: May '08
Location: Lithuania
Age: 32 (M)
Posts: 8633
Posted by RoninHarper:
The truly great thing was the Russian was just eliminated which just made Steve night.

loool that made my night too Big Smile
tony g style huh? you should consider releasing this book in russia

     
  24-Jan-13, 20:38   #20
  0 
RoninHarper 

Joined: Nov '12
Location: Canada
Age: 48 (M)
Posts: 4440
G'day pochui

Well I am glad you are enjoying it mate. I do play on continuing on with the story for a bit yet.

On a cute side note I was telling a friend about it and he lost his mind. He was asking what the hell I was doing wasting my time when i had an offer of 10k for my Fantasy book which he and everyone wants to see finished. He thinks that I should be working only on my other book and not this little short story.
I do not think he bought it when I told him that I am using this story to work through my 8 weeks of writers block in order to get writing again. Smile

be cool mates

Ronin Cool

     
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