Joined: Aug '08
Location: Canada
Age: 58 (F)
Posts: 2558
#1 A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on, everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
#2 A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
The blonde was very angry about this. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
The blonde did not know how the salesman had recognized her. This time, she got a haircut and new color, a new outfit and big sunglasses. She then waited a few days before she approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
#3 What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A Golden Retriever.
#4 There were three third graders walking down the street a redhead, brunette, and a blonde. Which one had the best figure?
The Blonde, she was 18.
#5 Why is Fishing better than sex
When you go fishing and you catch something, that’s good. If you’re making love and you catch something, that’s bad.
- Fish don’t compare you to other fishermen neither and don’t want to know how many other fish you caught.
- In fishing you lie about the one that got away. In loving you lie about the one you caught.
- You can catch and release a fish, you don’t have to lie and promise to still be friends after you let it go.
- You don’t have to necessarily change your line to keep catching fish.
- You can catch a fish on a 20-cent night-crawler. If you want to catch a woman you’re talking dinner and a movie minimum.
- Fish don’t mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.
#6 Mother Nature
There were these two best friends out playing golf one beautiful day. After hitting their tee shots, both noticed that neither was even close to the fairway. One friend hit it way left, the other way right.
They decided that since the shots were so bad, they’d just meet up at the hole.
So the first guy went off and looked and looked and finally found his ball sitting down deep in a field of beautiful Buttercups. He promptly pulled out his 7 iron and started whacking away. Buttercups were flying everywhere, but the ball wouldn’t come out.
Well, finally Mother Nature got mad.
She came up from the ground and said to the man, “I’ve created this beautiful field of Buttercups and you have no respect for them at all, now they are ruined. I’m going to have to punish you. Since these are Buttercups, your punishment is that you cannot have butter for a year.”
The man started to laugh and went back to whacking at the Buttercups.
Mother Nature said, “Hey, this is no laughing matter. What do you find so funny?”
The man looked up and said, “My buddy is over on the other side in the P***y-willows.”
Joined: Feb '12
Location: Canada
Age: 64 (M)
Posts: 6036
Posted by dlkiv:
I think I will have fun with you.
Nice to meet you dear
If you asked ol' Beaker if that was a test tube in his pocket,...or is he glad to meet you,....he would have to say "we we weeeee wee we we weeeee wee,...uh-huh"...!
Edited by demodawggy (06 October 2013 @ 01:44 GMT)
Joined: Aug '08
Location: Canada
Age: 58 (F)
Posts: 2558
Posted by demodawggy:
Posted by dlkiv:
I think I will have fun with you.
Nice to meet you dear
If you asked ol' Beaker if that was a test tube in his pocket,...or is he glad to meet you,....he would have to say "we we weeeee wee we we weeeee wee,...uh-huh"...!
Test tubes are very small and thin. I would have to ask for pepper , tweezers and either a microscope or telescope. Which do you think it would be? Either way I am out of your league.
Joined: Nov '09
Location: Canada
Age: 55 (M)
Posts: 2387
Posted by dlkiv:
Posted by demodawggy:
Posted by dlkiv:
I think I will have fun with you.
Nice to meet you dear
If you asked ol' Beaker if that was a test tube in his pocket,...or is he glad to meet you,....he would have to say "we we weeeee wee we we weeeee wee,...uh-huh"...!
Test tubes are very small and thin. I would have to ask for pepper , tweezers and either a microscope or telescope. Which do you think it would be? Either way I am out of your league.
Joined: Aug '08
Location: Canada
Age: 58 (F)
Posts: 2558
Posted by mahdrof:
Posted by dlkiv:
Posted by demodawggy:
Posted by dlkiv:
I think I will have fun with you.
Nice to meet you dear
If you asked ol' Beaker if that was a test tube in his pocket,...or is he glad to meet you,....he would have to say "we we weeeee wee we we weeeee wee,...uh-huh"...!
Test tubes are very small and thin. I would have to ask for pepper , tweezers and either a microscope or telescope. Which do you think it would be? Either way I am out of your league.
I like men who I do not need gadgets for
Still in good form I see...
Always honey
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Posted by SuperNoob: oh my; oh my; look who's back
