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  20-Feb-14, 10:13   #1
You did not win this time... +7 
schmoyster 
Joined: Jul '09
Location: Russian Federation
Age: 47 (M)
Posts: 758
This fcuking mob calendar is killing me. Five times a day I click on the damn doors and get "You did not win this time" every time.
This phrase became like a kind of mantra to me... like a motto of my life.

I suggest to my wife having sex and she declines. I say to myself "You did not win this time".
I ask kids to clean their room and they say no. I say to myself "You did not win this time".
I offer to my friend to have a drink and he says he is busy. I say to myself "You did not win this time".
I want to take a crap but nothing comes out. I say to myself "You did not win this time".
I ask for a salary raise and they say no. I say to myself "You did not win this time".

My life is going down the drain.
Admin, change the phrase, please. And don't tell me "You did not win this time".

     
  20-Feb-14, 10:20   #2
  0 
doubletop777 
Joined: Mar '11
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 47 (M)
Posts: 5537
Haha, great piece of writing and i know exactly how you feel at times. The world always seems to kick you in the teeth but then something unexpected happens and you feel a lot better. So just keep grinding on and something good will come along, it always does

     
  20-Feb-14, 11:48   #3
  +1 
crankmuppet 
Joined: Oct '13
Location: Canada
Age: 53 (F)
Posts: 61
Big Smile

Hahahaha - Love it!

Storytelling ability? Thumbs Up

Sarcastic irony? Thumbs Up

Farcical humor? Thumbs Up

Beating Admin to what would most likely have been his punchline? Thumbs up

You did WIN this time. Winner

Thanks for a great posting to start today's surfing.

     
  20-Feb-14, 13:13   #4
  0 
Heskor 
Joined: May '13
Location: Mauritius
Age: 25 (M)
Posts: 2659
Haha yeah nicely worded and great dark humor lol. What we can do is rant and rant about not winning until the day we do. When we do we should celebrate with booze, hookers and other stuffs and when party over, we should rant and rant again until the next win lol.

Anyway good luck in those mini games, may lady luck be with you, next time it will show you have won something Big Smile

     
  20-Feb-14, 13:29   #5
  0 
schmoyster 
Joined: Jul '09
Location: Russian Federation
Age: 47 (M)
Posts: 758
Posted by crankmuppet:
Sarcastic irony? Thumbs Up
Farcical humor? Thumbs Up

I am currently reading Wilt on High by Tom Sharpe. Probably influences my sarcasm and humor.

------------
Posted by Heskor:
Anyway good luck in those mini games, may lady luck be with you, next time it will show you have won something Big Smile

I don't really want to win. I just want the damn phrase to be changed. Got fed up with it. Angry

     
  20-Feb-14, 15:14   #6
  0 
mreid123 
Joined: Oct '10
Location: Canada
Age: 26 (M)
Posts: 204
good funny post . your in the same postion im in never winning on the calendar.. But I have twice during last Christmas where I won a couple dollars on 24 hour poker. Anyways good luck man hope you win at some point id say u should..

     
  20-Feb-14, 15:31   #7
  0 
ddblt1970 
Joined: Aug '13
Location: Czech Republic
Age: 21 (M)
Posts: 913
My session on PartyPoker today could be also described by that phrase.
Angry



     
  20-Feb-14, 15:32   #8
  0 
demodawggy 

Joined: Feb '12
Location: Canada
Age: 56 (M)
Posts: 5680
That is hilarious schmoyster dude... Thanks!,...needed a good laugh this morning...! Big Smile

Hey,...it's bad enough when your WIFE refuses your advances,...but when your BUDDY doesn't even have the time for a drink with you,...well now, THAT hurts.... Sad

I can't solve ALL your problems,...but may I suggest: (pic below)

Edited by demodawggy (Thursday, February 20, 2014 @ 15:36 GMT)


     
  20-Feb-14, 15:48   #9
  0 
HenryMinute 

Joined: Apr '12
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 67 (M)
Posts: 207
What's more I don't believe that the SOB is sorry at all.

Lying toe-rag!

     
  20-Feb-14, 16:46   #10
  0 
Macubaas 
Joined: Apr '11
Location: Romania
Age: 27 (M)
Posts: 6668
I guess you should stick just to the sorry part and it will be okay, i do not think admin will change.

And even if he changes it it won't affect your luck on the calendar and you'll hate the next phrase too lol

     
  20-Feb-14, 17:46   #11
  0 
schmoyster 
Joined: Jul '09
Location: Russian Federation
Age: 47 (M)
Posts: 758
Posted by demodawggy:
I can't solve ALL your problems,...but may I suggest: (pic below)

I checked Russian online shops for that sheep exoskeleton or whatever it is that you suggested.
They don't have it. Oh well... I did not win this time.

     
  20-Feb-14, 17:55   #12
  0 
pochui 

Joined: May '08
Location: Lithuania
Age: 32 (M)
Posts: 8628
Hello wonderful mobster from Russia- schmoyster, this is pochui from Lithuania, somewhere near the sea writing to you, wish a good day and posting the following info:

epic thread dude Worship you did win it this time Thumbs Up

I am very happy to be a part of such a great community which has mobster schmoyster amongst it's ranks, wish you the best of luck at the tables, off the tables, behind the tables, under the tables and in your life in general.
Yours truly pochui, somewhere near the sea, Lithuania.

     
  20-Feb-14, 18:39   #13
  0 
demodawggy 

Joined: Feb '12
Location: Canada
Age: 56 (M)
Posts: 5680
Posted by schmoyster:
Posted by demodawggy:
I can't solve ALL your problems,...but may I suggest: (pic below)

I checked Russian online shops for that sheep exoskeleton or whatever it is that you suggested.
They don't have it. Oh well... I did not win this time.


It's a life-size inflatable sheep sex-doll schmoyster... Shock Probably for those folks who live in the big cities and have no access to REAL sheep, or don't want to risk catching some barn yard disease... Big Smile But it's all a matter of preferrence I guess,...I don't know what you're in to... Heart

...of course,...if you're NOT into that, then there is the 'Miley Cyrus' life size inflatable sex doll for some of that 'Twerking' action,...but I think I'd rather take my chances with the sheep.... Big Smile< lol....

     
  20-Feb-14, 19:12   #14
  0 
crankmuppet 
Joined: Oct '13
Location: Canada
Age: 53 (F)
Posts: 61
Posted by schmoyster:

I am currently reading Wilt on High by Tom Sharpe. Probably influences my sarcasm and humor.



I'm not familiar with Sharpe but will check him out.

Perhaps you've read some of Carl Hiaasen's work - he's also a good read for wild plots, farcical characters and general absurdity.

Thanks for the tip on Sharpe.

     
  20-Feb-14, 19:33   #15
  0 
teddybears73 
Joined: Nov '11
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 59 (M)
Posts: 3176
Posted by schmoyster:
This fcuking mob calendar is killing me. Five times a day I click on the damn doors and get "You did not win this time" every time.
This phrase became like a kind of mantra to me... like a motto of my life.

I suggest to my wife having sex and she declines. I say to myself "You did not win this time".
I ask kids to clean their room and they say no. I say to myself "You did not win this time".
I offer to my friend to have a drink and he says he is busy. I say to myself "You did not win this time".
I want to take a crap but nothing comes out. I say to myself "You did not win this time".
I ask for a salary raise and they say no. I say to myself "You did not win this time".

My life is going down the drain.
Admin, change the phrase, please. And don't tell me "You did not win this time".


excellent stuff shmoyster
Big Smile Big Smile Big Smile

     
  20-Feb-14, 20:57   #16
  0 
ramu247 

Joined: Feb '14
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 26 (M)
Posts: 6
This is brilliant Thumbs Up. It cheered me up after a bad day of poker Worship

     
  20-Feb-14, 22:59   #17
  0 
magatt966 

Joined: Jan '09
Location: Italy
Age: 46 (M)
Posts: 3713
ADMIN CHANGED ANSWER LOOOOOOLLL


here is a copy paste

Our robot went searching for your prize, but you did not win, so he came back empty-handed.

Schmoyster you rock Thumbs Up

Tony you rock as well Thumbs Up

Bankrollmob rocks Thumbs Up

the safe is a dirty whore Aww crap!

     
  21-Feb-14, 00:03   #18
  0 
marqis 

Joined: Sep '10
Location: Netherlands
Age: 48 (M)
Posts: 1631
I got:
You need more luck than that, to win in the Mob Calendar. Bring more luck next time.
Please come back later and try again!
Big Smile

     
  21-Feb-14, 05:49   #19
  0 
damosk 
Joined: Feb '11
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 52 (M)
Posts: 4852
Fantastic piece of literary mastery here, so here is an alternative strap line that Admin could change the banner to.........

SUCKER! How many times have you tried? We've drawn you in to mindlessly clicking doors and windows each day on the banal expectation that you will win the equivalent of about 50c and still you keep coming back...... How desparate are you? But thank you for being part of the worlds best online poker community! Better luck next time (or the time after that, or the time after that etc!)

     
  21-Feb-14, 06:16   #20
  0 
xxxpokerxxx1 

Joined: May '08
Location: Canada
Age: 40 (M)
Posts: 941
awesome I love This just 2 funny... Worship Worship Worship Worship I can relate so well

     
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