Joined: Jan '10
Location: United States
Age: 59 (M)
Posts: 410
A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital. During her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.
"Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"
The doctor leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."
"Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman.
As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient lying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.
Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?"
Said the doctor, "Same illness, better health plan."
Joined: Nov '08
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 47 (M)
Posts: 2194
Nice 1...
------------ GOD LOVES DRUNK PEOPLE TOO
A man and his wife were awoken at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you Remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
Joined: Mar '10
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 39 (M)
Posts: 169
An English man, and Irish man and a Scottish man are sitting in a bar somewhere in a remote village in south africa. The Scottish man spots a pot of money over in the corner of the bar and curiously asks the bar tender why it is there.
"Well" says the bartender. " That there pot of money is for the taking for anyone who can complete our challange, However if ye fail, you'll be sold as sex slaves to the local tribe"
After some careful consideration the three men decide they will take up the challenge.
"Ok Mr Bartender" says the English man. "What is the challenge"
"Firstly you have to drink a whole bottle of tequila in one go without stopping. Secondly, you have to go down into the basement remove a thorn from a lions foot. And lastly, if ye survive the lions lair, you have to take yeself upstairs and make love to a 100 year old woman without vomiting up the tequila"
"It's a deal" Said the Irish man"
So the English man steps up to take the challenge. Half way through the bottle of tequila he pukes everywhere and passes out on the floor. He is quickly dragged outside and sent to the local tribe.
Secondly the Scottish man steps up, he quickly drinks the entire bottle of tequila and staggers over to the lair of the lion. After a few short seconds of roaring and screaming there is silence. The scottish man unable to defend himself against the mighty lion is eaten alive.
Lastly, the irish man steps up to take the challenge. He greedily sucks the tequila from the bottle and calmly walks over to the lions lair. He steps inside. For the next 10 mins the most blood curdling screams and roars can be heard coming from inside the lions lair. The Irish man emerges from the lair completely naked and covered in blood. He calmly slurs
"Ok bejesus, now where's that 100 year old woman wit the thorn in her foot"
Joined: Mar '10
Location: Greece
Age: 54 (M)
Posts: 505
haha, nice 1!..
Three friends are trying to hide from the Nazis in an abandoned house.. after a while a Nazi soldier enters the house and starts looking around. He comes right outside the closet door where the first guy was hidding... so the guy starts barking from the inside "woof-woof"...
-Ah, there's probably a dog in there, never mind, I'll go and look somewhere else says the soldier..
He finds a big chest where the second guy was hiding. When he tries to open it, a cat's meowing comes from the guy on the inside "Miaow!"...
-Ah, there's probably a cat in there, never mind, I'll go and look somewhere else says the soldier..
The third guy hid inside a sack... suddenly, he hears the soldier coming his way... the Nazi is now holding and tampering with the cloth sack, trying to figure out what's inside... the guy inside is desperate... he sweats... and finally shouts: "Potatoes!"....
