Joined: May '10
Location: United States
Age: 37 (M)
Posts: 59
I don't know about you guys, but, I think poker is kind of a vice for me. I've never smoked weed, barely drink, eat very healthy, but poker is my one vice. I'm a good player, but kind of feel dirty when I play. I totally throws off my daily life vibe. Like, I'm way more irritable, not chill, thinking about money, and just not really my self. It's like I go into Poker World. A different dimension separate from reality. But, I really like poker. I'm always a profit player, but can't play for more than 2 or 3 days in a row. I'm like, OK, f**k it. Then intentionally blow all of my money. One time on Full Tilt, I turned a 100 dollar deposit into 4300 dollars in 5 hours. I kid you not. Then in my mind I was like, "this is dirty money, I don't want this". I then kind of subconsciously blew it all away intentionally. Literally in 45 min. It's really weird and hard to explain. But,I kind of always go on a poker kick every few months or 6 months for like a week really intense, make a s**t load of money, and lose it all on a dime. It's like I'm content not having the money. I want it and yet I don't want it. It sounds f**ked up. Anyway, that's what it is... Oh ya the reason I'm writing this is because I just did it again. I got the 5000 VIP point no deposit at Players Only and turned it into 61 bucks. Respectable... lol. But, then I was like. I can't play this tomorrow. I can't be around girls and be chill and myself. Seriously. I'm like jumpy. So, I was like, "OK f**k it", played a 30 dollar; way to high for my bank roll. Played really stupid, went to 31 bucks, then was like, "I don't want this money". So, I went to the black jack table (never a smart move) and intentionally played until I lost all that money. So, there it is...
Joined: Oct '09
Location: Lithuania
Age: 43 (M)
Posts: 2805
yes casino is good they allways kill your bankroll and u ll out off the money so never play in casino i prefer more play poker but not casino becouse i hate casinos system there u are big looser
Joined: May '09
Location: Estonia
Age: 35 (M)
Posts: 777
Sorry, but i really think you are sick!!! Dirty money???? WTF??? How is it dirty money??? And btw, you mentioned bankroll management in the end of your post, YOU COULD NEVER, make 100$ into 4300$ in 5 hours, by playing games inside your bankroll. Just a lucky run, Jesus Christ Superstar!
Sounds way to Freudian for my likeing , I read somewhere that some gamblers get as much of a kick from looseing as others do from wining but I only did first year psychology so am not to clear on it but from one who knows sounds to me like your a gambler more than a poker player and although eventually risks will be taking during games of poker , good poker is not gambleing,,, I think, but no doubt someone will put there foot in it.lol
Joined: Feb '10
Location: Finland
Age: 38 (M)
Posts: 1248
I have a solution for you - switch from online to live poker. No online game is compareable with live one in casino (atleast imo) and for a good image i doubt you would blew the money there with 45 mins - if you still do - then poker is not for you as you look more like a gambler than poker player then.
Joined: Dec '09
Location: Romania
Age: 33 (M)
Posts: 587
b******t ... you are full of crap ... from 100 $ to 4300 in 5 hours and you didnt want the money and lost them intentionally ? you are full of crap ... you just wanted more and you were going on tilt ... not dirty money and other crap you said.
Joined: Jan '09
Location: Italy
Age: 53 (M)
Posts: 3871
it's hard to believe you are so good at poker to go from $100 to $5000 in five hours .... at least for me it is really impossible (with or without a good bankrollmanagement)
anyway if you don't want those money but you like poker just listen to supernoob suggestion: playmoney is the solution
Posted by duck_1991: b******t ... you are full of crap ... from 100 $ to 4300 in 5 hours and you didnt want the money and lost them intentionally ? you are full of crap ... you just wanted more and you were going on tilt ... not dirty money and other crap you said.
now now keep your pants on no need to get rowdy, let the guy have his say,, who knows the right or wrong of it I mean to say pigs might fly for all I know
Joined: May '10
Location: United States
Age: 37 (M)
Posts: 59
Dude guys I'm totally serious. Right now I'm playing. When I said I intentionally blew the last 20 on Players Only last night, It went down to $1.40. Right now I've been grinding it out for the last 3 hours and am at 24 dollars. I go through crazy cycles. It's not gambling though, I'm playing good poker. When I say I blow it intentionally. I mean, you kind of lose the concept of the fact that it's actually money for a while and say f**k it and just throw it away. It's like your like, "f**k it, I don't even want this". I don't know. Poker brings you in and out of all fascits of the mind.
Joined: Dec '08
Location: Netherlands
Age: 64 (M)
Posts: 735
Posted by midnight1954: now now keep your pants on no need to get rowdy, let the guy have his say,, who knows the right or wrong of it I mean to say pigs might fly for all I know
I agree. Its not so rare as it sounds, but some working, well earning, people deposit some money and are winning because they play wel,l and play higher and higher stakes. But instead of withdrawing they are only THEN satisfied in their urge, when they have lost it all.
When they make money by honest work, they feel good. Winning money "gambling" makes them feel dirty, so they "give it back"
Joined: Nov '08
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 47 (M)
Posts: 2194
Sounds like you dont really know what you want... except to play poker. Its playing poker that counts and not the cash... Winning is great but you dont even mind loosing as long as you play. That says to me you have a true love for the game and are comftable playing (in your limits). I feel you need to ask yourself what you want out of it.? If you dont mind bumbeling along and just playing as you do now then dont worrie! If you feel you could make a profit and want to build a bankroll or just win win win then give your self the time and try to build a roll. If your issue is with thinking its "dirty money" just give up playing for cash... just play for play money and then you cant feel guilty. Set your self a target for some thing you want ie car / motor / bike / holiday, say 5K or 10K and make it pay for what you want ... treat it as money earnt not won. you have to put the time and effort in just as you would at work. Good luck with your decission
Joined: Jan '10
Location: Germany
Age: 32 (M)
Posts: 1379
Posted by paulparadiis: Sorry, but i really think you are sick!!! Dirty money???? WTF??? How is it dirty money??? And btw, you mentioned bankroll management in the end of your post, YOU COULD NEVER, make 100$ into 4300$ in 5 hours, by playing games inside your bankroll. Just a lucky run, Jesus Christ Superstar!
i would never care about that if i made 4300 $ out of 100 to be honest (unless i dont loose my money).
Anyway, if you dont want to keep that dirty money, shipt it to me. Just ask, i give you my name at any side
To be honest, when I started to read your history I understood a quite different thing; I thought you were poker online addicted, but it's not so. Seems to me you blame on you for your winnings and it's so strange
Joined: Mar '08
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 44 (M)
Posts: 6714
Cleanse your sins using my bankroll, Im happy to feel dirty, ill answer to God when I get there, ill prove its all skill, and no doubt one dayl own the heavens, I know God likes a gamble. Strange. How about this, it makes you feel dirty, so in your mind I guess outhers are dirty, why not take fromm the dirty PPL, and send you money to a charity, its win win.
Joined: May '10
Location: United States
Age: 37 (M)
Posts: 59
Exactly. That's right on. I feel great when I'm making honest money than trance into poker world and withdraw myself from everything else. It sucks. But, ya. I think it is all about the urge. You get going and going to a really high bank roll and just like the adrenalin of playing way to high. You kind of forget the fact that it's real money and think it can always be more. Then even if you withdraw how long do you not play for? How much of that money do you put back in? It's a reciprocal cycle of mind games tapping into one of the most primitive humanistic urges. It goes back to our ancestors man. You turn into an untamed animal. Good or bad? It's good to be untamed, but only in certain ways. Gambling might not be one of them. It can turn real ugly if it goes unchecked for to long.
Joined: Dec '08
Location: Netherlands
Age: 64 (M)
Posts: 735
Posted by B1gfoot:
How about this, it makes you feel dirty, so in your mind I guess outhers are dirty, why not take fromm the dirty PPL, and send you money to a charity, its win win.
Anf the charity of today is: !! mrb1gfootdotcodotuk
Joined: Mar '08
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 44 (M)
Posts: 6714
Posted by Joe_Average:
Posted by B1gfoot:
How about this, it makes you feel dirty, so in your mind I guess outhers are dirty, why not take fromm the dirty PPL, and send you money to a charity, its win win.
Anf the charity of today is: !! mrb1gfootdotcodotuk
Sounds like a good charity, might even give a little myself.
. No online game is compareable with live one in 
(unless i dont loose my money).
