A teacher notices that a little boy at the back of the class is squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She goes back to find out what's up. He's quite embarrassed and whispers that he has just recently been circumcised and he's quite itchy. The teacher tells him to go down to the principal's office, to phone his mum, and ask her what he should do about it. He does this and returns to the class, sits down in his seat and suddenly, there's a general commotion at the back of the room. Back down she goes, only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom" she says. "I did" he says. "She told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.
A blond decides to do something she’s never done before - rent a dirty movie. She drives to the local Video Warehouse and makes here way to the adult section in the back. After looking around at titles, she selects a something that sounds very stimulating.
She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment there’s nothing but static on the screen. She calls the store to complain and says, “I just rented an adult movie from you and there’s nothing on the tape, but static.”
The clerk apologized about the defective video and asked, “Which title did you rent?” The blond replied, “It’s called ‘Head Cleaner.’”
Joined: Jan '08
Location: Sweden
Age: 57 (M)
Posts: 8
At the immigration desk, somewhere in Europe: -Name? -Abu, Dalah Sarafi. -Sex? -Four times a week. -No, no, no male or female? -Male, female.... sometimes camel.
Posted by jm: At the immigration desk, somewhere in Europe: -Name? -Abu, Dalah Sarafi. -Sex? -Four times a week. -No, no, no male or female? -Male, female.... sometimes camel.
Joined: Jan '08
Location: Sweden
Age: 57 (M)
Posts: 8
Little Erik surprised his parents by running into their bedroom at night. He asked them what they was doing because they moved so funny. -Ehh...we playing poker, dad answer. Next day Erik rushed into his sisters bedroom. She and the boyfriend was in the bed moving funny too. -We playing poker, the sister said. Later that night Erik was missing at the dinner table and dad went up to look after him at his room. He find Erik in the bed and saw how his and moving up and down. -Whats you up to, he asked. -Ohh, I play poker. -But you need to be two then, dad said. -Noo, Erik said, not whit such a god hand that I have.
Joined: Oct '07
Location: Philippines
Age: 41 (M)
Posts: 1443
Posted by jm: At the immigration desk, somewhere in Europe: -Name? -Abu, Dalah Sarafi. -Sex? -Four times a week. -No, no, no male or female? -Male, female.... sometimes camel.
Joined: Nov '07
Location: Ghana
Age: 39 (M)
Posts: 13
Three Girls Go Camping
One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.
Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."
Joined: Jan '08
Location: Denmark
Age: 46 (M)
Posts: 1
I was walking down 5th avenue, when all of a sudden a man gets hit by a car. I rush to the site of the accident, and hears the man shout "call me an abmulance, call me an ambulance!!", I look at ham and say "allright, you're an ambulance"
Last Day on the Job It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.
She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that she strips naked from her neck down, and rolls the dice while yelling, "Momma needs new clothes!"
Then she hollers..."YES! yes,! I WON! I WON!" Then she begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves..
The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?" The other answers, "I thought YOU were watching!"
Joined: Jan '08
Location: Germany
Age: 48 (M)
Posts: 144
Blonde in Vegas
A blonde was in Vegas vacationing with friends. She was standing in front of the candy machine and put two coins in, turned the knob and a candy bar fell out.
She picked up the candy bar and put it in her pocket, then she proceeded to put two more coins into the slot and turned the knob, again a candy bar fell out and she put it in her pocket.
She put two more coins into the machine and again turned the knob producing yet another candy bar.
A man was watching from a short distance away and walked up to her, he said "Excuse me Miss? What are you doing?"
The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.
"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.
"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.
"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"
