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Joined: Oct '09
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 57 (M)
Posts: 667
Hi all. I have decided to post this to ask your opinion. I have been playing poker for about 18 months and thanks to practise and picking up info from different areas, (books and videos are good for me), I have improved from a don't know how to play the game at all to a reasonable player who has some luck on the 10c/25c tables at Pokerstars. Okay I don't win large amounts but I keep myself busy and ot being able to work now I need something right?!?!
Anyway my problem. I cannot move around without a wheelchair and spend most of my time in front of my laptop playing poker or reading the posts on here and generally reading stuff about poker. ((I must say BRM is one of the most interesting sites I have found, okay there are a few problems with the freerolls etc but hey overall a very good site). I find some of the threads on here very interesting and always look out for posts from some people.)) Got side tracked again!!
My missus puts up with a lot but she never sees things from my point of view and as I heavily dependant on her I have to accept a lot of crap from her aswell. Now yesterday a friend of mine came over while she was out and offered to take me out. Great I thought, time out for good behaviour so accordingly I went to the atm and withdrew £50.00 (about $80.00) Off we went and went to a bar which was next door to a bookmakers - I lost but my friend won about £1500.00, so he gave me $100.00. When I got home my partner was angry that I had gone out and spent the money - I threw the £50.00 at her and said "there's your money". Now we have a very hostile atmosphere at home and I feel like pissing off. Trouble is in my position it is very difficult - and I will always need help with the different medicine etc - So my question is what do I do?
A difficult one with I know - but I am so pissed I just wish something would happen. I am adding a vote for you all - but will always be interested in your points of view.
Joined: Mar '10
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 49 (M)
Posts: 41
Is it the poker that's causing the problem? If it is. Explain how careers can be made from it; why you always see the same people at FT's of major tourns etc. Also, ask her how much a Uni course costs a LOT of people and they don't even get a job at the end of it. Then explain the costs at the moment are an investment to learning a new career. If that doesn't work, dodd on the back of the head with a lump of wood and toss into a lime pit in the garden.
P.S. I can't vote at the moment but I'd vote stay and try & work it out.
Edited by Zxanthion (28 February 2012 @ 17:00 GMT)
Joined: Nov '11
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 60 (M)
Posts: 44
I feel for you pal, although I know you can do without the sympathy crap. Sometimes its difficult to see both sides when it all seems black. It must also be extremely frustrating for your missus too m8. She is probably angry at the situation (I don't know how long youve been chair-bound) as to some degree her world must have become somewhat curtailed also. If there was love there once then it just don't disappear like that. I say hang in there. Talk with her. Tell her that you understand her frustrations and that feeling negative towards one another will keep away good feelings. She has to understand you also. Poker and gambling is your release, and a way to turn negatives into positives for you. Perhaps you both need to get out together once in a while...or maybe it's got to a point where professional assistance is needed in your private matters. If you can come here and seek advice then I know you want a solution and so maybe a guidance from councilling may help. Good luck to you though pal. I know the good folks here wish you and your missus the same.
Joined: Oct '11
Location: Canada
Age: 57 (M)
Posts: 115
"Should I stay or should I go now If I go there will be trouble If I stay it will be double" Stay mate get her a card and some flowers If You depend on her she must be doing somethng right gl
Joined: Oct '09
Location: Spain
Age: 60 (M)
Posts: 2851
Going to read between the lines....
You went to have a drink, but also went to a bookmaker and lost the cash? mmmhhhh....
From everything you wrote, I cannot possibly give advice, or anyone for that matter.
But.... is there a "gambling" problem in the house? Can you stick to Poker without losing a bundle and just cut out the "gambling" (bookmakers) alltogether? the only thing I could get out of your text. You were obviously only telling part of the story with the "money" thing.
If I'm off on this one, no worries, otherwise looks like you know what the problem is, I guess?
Joined: Mar '11
Location: Croatia
Age: 43 (M)
Posts: 1738
If you depend on her better stay put m8. It's a silly position to put urself in coz of just $80. In the end of the day if u guys are short on money u know that she's right... if u guys r NOT short of money she's still right m8. i mean, losing $80 in one afternoon on bets?!? In the end ur friend gave u some to cover it but if he didn't u can see how much worse that fight could have been. Just let it be and forget about it m8.
Joined: Jan '11
Location: United States
Age: 60 (M)
Posts: 3361
I can't play physichiatrist here (don't even know if I can spell it) because there's a lot here to decypher. All I can say is , do you contribute financially and do things around the house? Do you spend quality time with eachother? In your situation do you feel lucky to have this individual in your life? This would be a start as to what you need to do and a relationship is surely something that is difficult for advice when we are only aware of what you've written.
I'm not being sarcastic, just honest. Do you love her or is she convenience? If you seriously don't know what to do and would go on the advice of others then stop and think about the big picture here. Other then that let's talk poker here and I'm sure you'll find interesting people from around the world. You can be one of them! Good Luck!
Joined: Aug '08
Location: Canada
Age: 43 (M)
Posts: 658
Wow, i applaud the courage you ahve to candidly discuss this and even more so, to step back and look at it from a different perspective by asking others.
Before i give my personal experiences ill premise it with the fact im divorced. So keep that in mind lol.
Love and happiness aren't places, they aren;t a destination nor a goal. They are a state of mind. They are putting personal petty things aside for the greater good. They are the feeling of joy you get for sacrificing of yourself to put a smile on a face.
As for your predicament it sounds like you both act more like adversaries then a team. This is common in relationships. As common as the resentment that develops when one person does more then the other and doesnt feel appreciated for the extra effort. All of this can easily be fixed though. If you do love her nothing is impossible. cliche but true.
She is upset she takes care of you and does alot of things that are no fun and then you go off and have fun without her. Im making heavy assumptions but all i have to go on is your side. I heard it all before from woman about how i go out without "her" and have fun and we never do anything fun. Make her feel apprciated and if things dont work out then they dont work out.
Also its always good to have a friend to talk to about these things. Nothing helps me more then bitching to a friend about my bitchy girl. Then i listen to myself and feel like a heel and give her kissy faces and flowers.