schmoyster 
Joined: Jul '09
Location: Russian Federation
Age: 54 (M)
Posts: 773
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Hi guys !!!
For some time I've been saving different funny phrases and quotes found in the Internet. All of them in Russian. Then I figured out that they can be also funny if translated into English.
So, I decided to translate and share some of them.
I am aware that humor differs in different countries. So, maybe you won't find them funny. Don't be hard on me.
Also, it is quite possible that some quotes are rather old. Possibly they originated in English, then got translated into Russian, then I translated them back into English.  Don't be hard on me for this too.
If you like these quotes, I will translate and post more.
1) The New Year Holiday is a holiday not only for people but also for flush toilets. They will see a lot of new faces instead of everlasting butts.
2) Yesterday I again went to bed today...
3) The buyer, unsatisfied with the quality of manure couldn't find a proper word to characterize the merchandise.
4) You compliment a person on mustache and boom!!!... she doesn't want to talk to you anymore.
5) John figured out that something was wrong with him when all the doctors and nurses started to take their pictures with his Mantoux test.
6) Some miserable, lousy nonentity sent me an invitation to he seminar on ego-boost.
7) A little boy, whose father tied his scarf for him in the wintertime, can hold his breath for 18 minutes.
8) A real announcement poster on a kindergarten in Moscow: "Dear parents, children are admitted to the kindergarten not later than 8:30 am. After this time the gate will be locked. Dear Daddies, do not shove your kids over the kindergarten fence."
9) After the surgery the surgeon showed to Jackie Chan the funny moments and fails of the surgery.
10) Shamefully, in Russia it is still commonplace to use children labor hands to fish pickled cucumbers out of the glass jars.
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