Joined: Dec '07
Location: Denmark
Age: 40 (M)
Posts: 2644
Hey guy's it's time for a new joke thread:
"A cop on horseback is at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Santa bring that to you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Tell Santa next year to put a taillight on that bike." The kid says, "Nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The cop says, "Yeah." The kid says, "Well, tell Santa next year to put the prick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
Joined: Dec '07
Location: Denmark
Age: 40 (M)
Posts: 2644
Come on guys make me laugh
A mental hospital After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.
"Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."
"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."
Joined: Mar '08
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 44 (M)
Posts: 6714
an old 1 but still funny
Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading. Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies, "I think you'll find, that is a sheep." Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
Joined: Mar '08
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 44 (M)
Posts: 6714
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer that was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop
Joined: May '08
Location: Netherlands
Age: 42 (F)
Posts: 314
Another blonde woman is dancing and singing on the dinnerroom table, her husband comes in and says "what's the matter why are you so happy ?" the woman answers "I just finished this jigsaw puzzle in 3 months, and the box says FOR 2-3 YEARS !!
Joined: Mar '08
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 44 (M)
Posts: 6714
sorry but all my jokes are politically incorrect :} Imdevorcing my wife peatr tells his mates over a few drinks, shes got some disgusting habbits, only this mornig i went for a pee in the sink and it was still full of dishes.
3 thigs a man should never say in a gay bar Bottoms up! well f**k me! and can i push that stool in for you!
Joined: May '08
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 34 (M)
Posts: 3
Hi i got a joke but its not that great,
A blonde was driving down an empty road when all of a sudden she swerves left, and then right and then left again and she crashes into a wall. After the police get there they ask her if she is ok and the women replies " yeah i am fine thank you" the copper asked what happened and the blonde said that a tree poped up infront of her so she swerved left, the a tree was there so she swerved right and then another tree poped up so she swerved and the crashed. The copper looked confused and said, " i have patroled these roads for 25 years and i have never seen a tree? have you been looking at your air freshner"
Joined: Feb '08
Location: Brazil
Age: 53 (M)
Posts: 5
Q: What the difference between who prays in a poker table, and who prays in a church? A: The one in the poker table is really sincere... Sorry for my bad english, is har to translate a joke from portuguese to english!!!
Joined: May '08
Location: Germany
Age: 42 (M)
Posts: 1118
One day a nun was standing on the side of the road waiting for a cab. A cab stopped and picked her up. During the ride she noticed that the driver was staring at her.
When she asked him why, he said, "I want to ask you something, but I don't want to offend you."
She said, "You can't offend me. I have been a nun long enough that I have heard just about everything."
The cab driver then said, "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun give me a blow job."
She said, "Well, perhaps we can work something out under two conditions. You have to be single, and you have to be Catholic."
Immediately the cab driver said, "Oh, yes! I'm single and I'm Catholic!"
The nun said, "Okay, pull into that alley."
The cab driver pulled into the alley and the nun went to work. Shortly afterwards, the cab driver started crying.
The nun said, "My child, what's the matter?"
He said tearfully, "Sister, I have sinned. I lied, I lied...I'm married and I'm Jewish!"
The nun replied, "That's okay. My name's Bruce and I'm on my way to a costume party!"
Joined: Mar '08
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 44 (M)
Posts: 6714
Some people just seem to have a lot of luck. A friend of mine is one of those card players who can almost always draw whatever he needs to win a hand in poker, but loses big time at the races. I asked him about this once and he replied, "Well ... they won't let me shuffle the horses."
A busty blonde sat down at a table in a Las Vegas casino. "I hope you don't mind," she said, "but I play better when I'm naked." She then proceeded to undress. On the very first hand, after some heavy betting, she was head's-up in a monster pot. After the dealer turned over the river card, she flipped her hand over, jumped out of her seat and started screaming, "I won! I won! I won!" The dealer, flustered, pushed her the pot. "What'd she have?" the loser asked the dealer. "I don't know," the dealer said. "I thought YOU were watching."
