Joined: Aug '08
Location: Canada
Age: 60 (F)
Posts: 2558
lol this was sent to me and thought it may help out some of the guys on here
Ten worst gifts to buy a woman 1. Never give a woman any kind of household appliance or something that is going to make "housework" easier. For instance, a blender, a toaster, a new vacuum, one of those mops they advertise on tv that does everything but suck the life out of you, anything in a informercial. One allowed choice is a new washing machine with a turbo spin cycle. (Makes laundry day go by pretty fast when you can at least sit on it during spin-dry and end up smiling the rest of the day.)
2. Any bulk cleaning supplies, "honey, I got you that large box of Tide you have been wanting." "This Windex should last you a while." "I got a good deal on the industrial strength toilet bowl cleaner." All I can say is, be prepared to run. I have faith that if you would have at least stopped and thought about what would be a much more intimate gift, you would have had the sense to spring for the $5 Chia Pet you were eyeing in Kmart.
3. Any sharp objects made by Ronco which slices or dices, or a set of ginsu knives. These may one day be used as a weapon against you when you come home with lipstick on your collar after a "night out with the boys."
4. Do not buy gifts for yourself and pretend they are for her. "Honey, I'm sure you'll get a lot of use out of the new drill I bought you." By then she will have put it to good use by drilling a quarter inch hole into the side of your skull for even thinking she would accept such a lame gift. After a gift like this, you probably won't be around for NEXT Christmas.
5. Any lingerie made of flannel, such as a pair of feet pajamas with a trap door in back. A Little Mermaid or Barney cartoon character nightgown. It gives her the idea that you do not consider her the beautiful woman that she is. Take out that wallet and buy her something sexy from Victoria Secret (just like you did for your mistress or other girlfriend).
6. No name perfume which costs you $1.99, such as Eu de Toilet, which actually smells like the bathroom, moldy fruit, or your dirty socks. If you are going to buy her perfume, spring for the brand names.
7. Any type of cubic zirconia jewelry you see on the Home Shopping Network. It will be quite embarrassing when she is showing off that fabulous diamond to her friends and tries to cut glass with it. (We actually test them you know.) Also, now would not be a good time to buy her that set of diamond nipple clamps you always wanted to, you know how we like to show off our jewelry and it could get embarrassing at the New Year's party when she decides to show them off to your buddies.
8. Please do not buy her clothes because you think for one minute you have good taste in woman's clothing. Well, perhaps you might if you are a transvestite, but all in all, believe me, she'll smile and say its beautiful while choking back tears and mumbling under her breath, "were the hell would I ever wear this outfit without being arrested for bad taste?" An additional hint, plaids do not go with stripes (even though you think your golfing outfit looks just fine). Its a known fact to the rest of the world that that is a taboo. In the Northeast, thats like wearing white after Labor Day.
9. Do not give her a gift certificate to Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers. Most men would know better, especially the ones who have learned the correct response to "do these pants make me look fat." If you are one of the poor souls who still doesn't get it and purchased a gift like this, be prepared for the silent treatment for a month. (Although that may be something you would actually look forward to.) A better alternative would be hiring a Chippendale dancer as a personal trainer to get her motivated into getting fit.
10. Last but not least, never buy a woman anti-wrinkle cream, or a book on "How not to be Nasty Sunday through Saturday." These are not considered gifts, they are considered reasons for seriously injuring the person who bought it and just may stand up in court of law.
Joined: Feb '11
Location: Ireland
Age: 54 (M)
Posts: 476
lmfao.....have gotten a few presents from that list for past girlfriends but since i got married wouldnt dare get anything from that list for the wife....i value my life too much
Joined: Mar '08
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 46 (M)
Posts: 6714
So WTF do we get, women, masters of telling men what they don't want. "What do you want for Christmas love?' "Oh get me anything"...Pff. There is nothing a man can buy a girl without it being offensive...unless real expensive. Here's why that list exists, she knows she will get all those things that she actually wants throughout the year, after pulling the "if you don't know then I'm not telling" trick.
This year I said to mum and sis, what do you want, the response what's your price range. I'm easy, Bobcat...a frigging Bobcat, will I get one, NO! Men except they will get a load of crap, hope for ale, expect socks... There should be an opt out age, its for the kids, buy yourself something you want rather than wasting money on something no one wants.....HA Christmas spirit has finally hit me.
Joined: Aug '08
Location: Canada
Age: 60 (F)
Posts: 2558
Posted by B1gfoot: So WTF do we get, women, masters of telling men what they don't want. "What do you want for Christmas love?' "Oh get me anything"...Pff. There is nothing a man can buy a girl without it being offensive...unless real expensive. Here's why that list exists, she knows she will get all those things that she actually wants throughout the year, after pulling the "if you don't know then I'm not telling" trick.
This year I said to mum and sis, what do you want, the response what's your price range. I'm easy, Bobcat...a frigging Bobcat, will I get one, NO! Men except they will get a load of crap, hope for ale, expect socks... There should be an opt out age, its for the kids, buy yourself something you want rather than wasting money on something no one wants.....HA Christmas spirit has finally hit me.
The worst pressy i ever got was a deep fat fryer , it was from my ex , i always opened his gifts with a sense of foreboding He also got me a jumper with a parrot on the front
Joined: Jan '11
Location: United States
Age: 62 (M)
Posts: 3361
If I ever would or was thinking about getting any of the items you mention NOT to get my wife, you can bet I won't now. Your message is very convincing and funny as heck. You can bet I'll never get her the drill, but you make it tuff as to what I should get her. Better yet! I think I'll just give her some money and let her pick out something herself. What do you think $10 or $20 bucks! LOL Nah, just joking, she's worth more to me then what I can give her, but it will be more then that. Enjoyed the thread! Good Luck to all!
Joined: May '08
Location: Lithuania
Age: 41 (M)
Posts: 10090
Posted by dlkiv: lol this was sent to me and thought it may help out some of the guys on here
6. No name perfume which costs you $1.99, such as Eu de Toilet, which actually smells like the bathroom, moldy fruit, or your dirty socks. If you are going to buy her perfume, spring for the brand names.
So i guess anything which actually smells like the bathroom, moldy fruit or our dirty socks is fine as long as it cost over $1.99....that helps- gonna buy something for $2.99
He also got me a jumper with a parrot on the front 
