Joined: Aug '08
Age: 51 (F)
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!"
The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"Come on! Jump! You gotta jump." say the firemen to the Redhead. "Oh no! You are going to pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead.
"No! It's brunettes that we can't stand. We're Okay with Redheads." replied the firemen.
"Okay." said the redhead, and she jumped. SWISH! The firemen yanked the blanket away, and the lady was flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Finally, the blonde stepped to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yelled, "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away." yelled the blonde. "No! Really! You have to jump. We won't pull the blanket away," answered the firemen.
"Look," the blonde said. "Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away. So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it."
Two blonde men were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.
The other blonde guy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed TOWARD me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the HOUSE, then I nail it in!"
The second blonde guy got completely upset and yelled, "You MORON! The nails that are pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the OTHER side of the house!"
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out, "GREEN SIDE UP!"
In the second room, she told the painter that she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing. In the third room, she said that she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blonde men laying sod across the street."
A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
"All right. How long do you need them?" asked the clerk.
The customer paused for a minute and said, "Uh ... I'd better go check."
After a while, the blonde man returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."
One day, a blonde man was telling his priest a Pollack joke, when halfway through the joke, the priest interrupted him.
"Don't you realize that I'm Polish?" asked the priest.
"Oh, I'm so sorry," the blonde man apologized.
The blonde man continued, "Do you want me to start over and talk slower?"
Two blonde man were walking through the woods on a hunting trip when one looked down and said, "Oh, look at the deer tracks."
The other blonde man looked down and said, "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks."
"No. Those are deer tracks." replied the first blonde guy.
They keep arguing, and arguing, and one-half hour later they were both killed by a train.
A blonde man from Arkansas is going on his first overseas trip. He drives all the way into Little Rock to apply for his passport.
In the passport office, the government official sees that the blonde guy is visibly puzzled while trying to fill in his passport application. The passport official looks over the blonde guy's shoulder, and sees that the guy trying to write "twice a week" into the small space labeled "SEX."
The passport official explains, "No, no, no. That is not what we mean by this question. We are asking 'Male or Female'."
The blonde man then writes, "Doesn't matter."
There were three blonde men stranded on an island, when one of the blonde guys suddenly found a lamp. On one side, the lamp says, "Rub here for three wishes."
So the three blonde guys agree that this is a good idea, rub the lamp, and a genie pops out and says, "I will give you each one wish."
The first blonde guy wishes to be a brunette. He then swims across the small lake.
The second blonde man wishes to be a red head. He gets in a boat and rows across the small lake.
Then the third blonde man wishes to be a woman. And, she simply walks across the bridge.
Edited by dlkiv (Friday, April 06, 2012 @ 15:22 GMT)
Joined: Mar '12
Age: 28 (M)
Almost fell of my chair reading the first one )) also good one the one with the nails ) ..... brought me in a good mood with your thread , so if you have any more of these blonde jokes , share them with us .