Joined: Aug '08
Location: Canada
Age: 58 (F)
Posts: 2558
[QUOTE]Posted by mahdrof: When DLKIV was regular here she supplied us with really good blonde jokes, so in her absence:
Just for you mahdrof my dear
A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,
"Where did you get that?" The pig replied, "I won her in a raffle!"
Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.
The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said,
"I think they could be bird tracks." The second blonde went to look and said,
"No, I think these are deer tracks." They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!
A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied, "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."
A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,
"You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"
Joined: Mar '08
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 44 (M)
Posts: 6714
Merry to see you back dlkiv..
I walked into the bar and the landlord said, "This is John from Liverpool and he's just finished his first novel" I said, "Well done mate, what are you going to read next?" _______ At a swimming pool changing room a child looks up to his parent and asks, "why is your penis much bigger than mine?", a quick whispered explanation was given.... "Do you understand now?" "Yes Mummy, it's because you're from Thailand".
Two friends went hunting with their shotguns. Suddenly one of them fell down, like if he was dead. The other guy, as fast as he could, called 911 Emergency Service: - "Help me, my friend is dead!!" - "Please sir, calm down" - answered the nurse - "first of all, make sure he is dead." - "Ok, wait a second ....." - BAAAANGGG!! [shotgun shot] - "Done. And now what?"
Joined: Jan '11
Location: Romania
Age: 36 (M)
Posts: 167
at a guy's house came Death(the ripper) but he was only 20 centimeters tall..the guy said oh God not now i m too young ..then Death said ..chill! don t worry ..i m here for the hamster
Joined: Jun '11
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 52 (M)
Posts: 1332
My mate who loves 2 school bags because hes bisatchel saw an accident the other day,a lorry load of tortoises crashed into a lorryload of terrapins,it was a turtle disaster,he told me he met a gangster that kept attacking him and pulling his pants up his arse crack"it was Wedgie kray"anyways he seen a bloke in Aberdeen walking down the road with 2 hairy sheep ,1 under each arm so he says "are you shearing?"the bloke says" feck off and get your own"
Joined: Dec '10
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 70 (M)
Posts: 206
ye just read a good one u will be on the floor with laughter from this but its better you read it were I read it, its in a post from hpart81 just put up a short while ago its at the top of the posts, its a belter
Joined: Mar '08
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 44 (M)
Posts: 6714
A poker player went to the hospital for a few routine tests. An older nurse came in the room in and they started talking about poker, as they talk she explains to him that a requirement of these test is that his genitals should be shaved. So the nurse goes about her business shaving when she sees a tattoo saying "R U S H "covering his private place. The elderly nurse, all fussy about her new discovery, confides in her assistant a beautiful hot blonde. The younger blonde nurse, a poker fan tries to explain to elderly nurse what the phrase "RUSH" means in poker. The curious hot blonde nurse decides to go have a peek at the tattoo, She goes into the poker player's room and starts "examining him". As she bends over the player, her skirt rides high and a button or two pop showing her assets, she reaches round and reads the tattoo. Later the younger blonde nurse bumps into the elderly nurse and says to, "I must have got the wrong room, his tattoo said, 'R O Y A L F L U S H'."
Joined: Mar '09
Location: Canada
Age: 36 (M)
Posts: 3207
this ones kinda dumb got i got a lil kick outta it
teacher- jonny how man cats would u have if i got u 2cats + 2cats +2cats? jonny- 7 teacher- alright jonny think hard how many cats would u have if i gave you 2cats + 2cats +2cats? jonny-7 teacher- anyone else in the class have the answer? harold-6 teacher-that is correct, now jonny how many cats would u have if i gave you 2cats + 2cats + 2cats? jonny- id fucking have 7 i already have one at home
Joined: May '09
Location: India
Age: 37 (M)
Posts: 4873
Gentleman is permitted to join a private club. The initiation consists of holding an unprepared on-the-spot lecture, on a theme starting on a letter which is alotted to him. The man gets an S, and choses to give his impromptu lecture on Sex.
Coming home and reporting to wife, he chickens out and says that he spoke over Sailing. Next day, wife meets club member who says her hubby gave a very good lecture last night -hawhawhaw.
Wife:" That' s strange, I must say. He has only done it twice. The first time he got sick, and the second time he lost his hat."
