Joined: Oct '11
Location: Sweden
Age: 32 (M)
Posts: 1410
So, it's been a very busy day today... I managed to get in a fight with my mother in law. So, here's what happened:
Me and my girlfriend have recently bought a puppy. Now, due to some circumstances we hadn't been able to get an insurance for that puppy after 4 days. Since we imported it from Romania we first had to get an appointment at the vet to get a health certificate and then we had to register the puppy and put us down as owners and THEN we was able to get an insurance. We got the puppy on a Thursday, went to the vet on the Friday, then there was a weekend so 2 days disappeared there. Then on the Monday, we had just registered her and then my mother in law picked me and my girlfriend up to go with her to her place. Then in the car, since we hadn't had the time to get an insurance yet (which I think is reasonable since there actually were a lot of things that needed to happen before we even were able to), they start getting into a fight about that the dog hasn't got an insurance yet.
During that fight when we got to her place, my mother in law threatened to take our dog away since we obviously didn't care about getting it an insurance. It all ended with my girlfriend getting really mad and then we both got thrown out of the house in the rain. I went to talk to my mother in law and got told that get an insurance and everything's fine. We did that as soon as we got home since we were gonna do it anyways, told her and I didn't hear anything for a few days, which usually happens after those two have had a fight.
Now yesterday, I heard that they had talked a bit and still didn't really see eye to eye on a few things. Then today, my mother in law sent ME a text telling me that she expected us to come over to her house with some rugs and a table+chairs that we had borrowed. And she wasn't really polite about it either. So I figured "what the hell, I'll just pack it down and go over there and talk to her, it's not the end of the world if I have to pack it back up again". So I did and I talked to her and since she just can't admit that she has done anything wrong, EVER, I had to work long and hard to get her to consent to sitting down and talking to her daughter and at least try to have an open mind and try to solve this.
When I got home, my girlfriend decided to call her mother and they talked for just over an hour and it all pretty much revolved around my girlfriend being stupid, irresponsible and what not and my mother in law thought that she was completely in the right of threatening to take our dog away.
I then sent a text telling her exactly what I thought. This is the message roughly translated: "Seriously, can both of you just grow up? In what way does this make anything better!? To threaten to take our dog away was a little bit to much so I think that you should apologize about that. Even if the reason you got mad was a good one I think that threat was taking it a bit to far. And your daughter should apologize for her part in this fight as well. So as I said, grow up for f**ks sake and handle this like adults! Both of you have done something wrong, apologize and get this out of the world. Should that be so d**n hard!?"
I got a response saying: "I'm laughing so hard I'm dying The little wimp is getting cocky against his mother in law through sms. Take care of your girlfriend instead. I'm not gonna bother you."
I thought that was a little bit uncalled for so I answered: "My god, very mature! Do you want me to come over and talk instead or what?"
Answer: " Both me and my husband are laughing as h**l! But sure, come over if you want. "
After this, I went over there and gave her a piece of my mind and said that it was really uncalled for since all I'm doing is trying to get her and her daughter to make up and stop this stupid crap. We got into a big argument and she started yelling at me like hell and basically made me out to be a f**king idiot. I can't take crap like that so I got really mad and the whole argument started to heat up. It all ended with me telling her that I didn't want to have anything to do with her if it's gonna be this way and I just walked out.
Now my girlfriend is really pissed at me since she thinks that I've wrecked her relationship with her mom and it's all my fault apparently... I honestly don't know what to do here. I'm sure as hell not gonna apologize to her for what I've said and done unless she apologizes first. Do you guys think that I'm completely in the wrong here? I really need a second opinion on this...
Joined: Dec '12
Location: Bulgaria
Age: 47 (M)
Posts: 1022
Hi erru9107,
I've read all you thread. It is very long, but I red it. My advice is: No matter if you are right or wrong, if it's your fault or not at this situation, you have to appologize her.
Because forgiveness is the key for a successful life. I know it is hard to appologize, but in my opinion you have to do it! We should stay always positive, to look for the positive signs no matter what is happening in our lives.
Joined: Oct '11
Location: Sweden
Age: 32 (M)
Posts: 1410
Yeah I might have to do that. But the thing that bugs me is the fact that even if I do, she'll just say something like "okey good" and then nothing more. She will NEVER admit that she has done anything wrong what so ever! That's the main reason that I don't want to do it...
Joined: Dec '12
Location: Bulgaria
Age: 47 (M)
Posts: 1022
I've red a book "Quest for light" last year. I remember a quote: " We just have to make efforts, but we just have to know that the main results are not in our hands".
That means that we have to make efforts, but the results will come itself, depending what efforts we made.
Don't press your mind with thoughts like that. The mind has a huge power and your mind will find 1000 reasons not to appologize. That is its work. But you just have to ignore it. I mean you are now thinking: What she will tell me if I do that? How will react if I do that? and so on. Don't think about these things.
Just think that everything is happening in your life like this situation on purpose, because you should learn a lesson. And you shoud find the answer of that lesson. Also it is very important is that you should be thankful for everything which is happening, no matter if it's bad or good. Just look for the lessons of the situations, find their answers, and be thankful to your destiny!
Joined: Dec '11
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 38 (M)
Posts: 707
mate chuck your gf, find another who has a nicer mother....llf
failing that just tell your gf read the texts if my mum said that to you how would you feel? if she says she wouldnt like it then tell her exactly so how do you expect me to take s**t from your mum!
if that fails get drunk and just ignore the mum and your gf for a while..lol
Joined: Feb '13
Location: Netherlands
Age: 51 (M)
Posts: 508
Hi Eru,
I have been in a simmilar situation, but with a diffrent cause .... I can give U only one advice, if a mother fights with her daugther dont get involved.... as even if U are right ( and I do think U are) U'll end up getting the blame...thats what happend to me and it costed my marriage.....
I do hope things work out for U, but when the ladies fight , just stay out of it for as far as possible, let ur girl know u support her but dont take action...
Joined: Oct '11
Location: Sweden
Age: 32 (M)
Posts: 1410
Posted by mies730: Hi Eru,
I have been in a simmilar situation, but with a diffrent cause .... I can give U only one advice, if a mother fights with her daugther dont get involved.... as even if U are right ( and I do think U are) U'll end up getting the blame...thats what happend to me and it costed my marriage.....
I do hope things work out for U, but when the ladies fight , just stay out of it for as far as possible, let ur girl know u support her but dont take action...
best Regards, Mies
That was pretty much impossible for me since as I said in my main post, her mom sent me a text. I started out telling her to talk to her daughter about that instead of me. That was obviously a bad mistake since that's when things first started to spiral a little bit and then it went on from there with me taking the stuff over to her place.
So yeah, I usually try to stay out of it if possible, I just wasn't able to this time since I was unwillingly dragged into it. I honestly don't know what to do. Maybe I should apologize but for gods sake, she started it and started being a f**king bitch to me in texts. Should I just ignore that and accept that she can do whatever the hell she wants to me but I can't do anything to her because if I do, I'm a d**k?
The way I see it is that either way, I'm screwed... It's pretty much a "I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't" kinda situation...
Joined: Mar '11
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 39 (M)
Posts: 1646
Your mother inlaw sounds like a right cow! Whats it got to do with HER if YOUR dog is insured or not? Is it against the law not to have it insured over there or something? It's not as if your a kid either and need telling what to do and how to do it. Tell her to jog on mate and don't worry about it.
