Joined: Jan '09
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 40 (M)
Posts: 76
hi Ive starting to write content for a spoof poker site but just making sure its obviously alot of nonsense. ( Just incase people think I AM actually trying to give poker advice.) The site is ment to be funny not serious let me know what u think.
Want to lose money Quick? You've came to the right place!
Hey winners, as far as strategies go, there are infinite ways to lose at poker.(or Donk out). You have most likely already discovered the winning ways (thanks for taking my money, by the way).But now its time to Donk all over your opponents. There are a few hands that, when drawn, you should just call or raise and forget about folding them. Here are some of the best starting hands to keep your bankroll low:
* 2-7 - The most infamous starting hand in poker, which you shouldl raise every time especially if unsuited. They are the lowest cards you can have that cannot make a straight (with 4 cards between 2 and 7, you’ll get nothing from the flop). Even if you have a suited 2-7 it will be an easily beatable low flush, and if either pairs it’ll be very low as well. (good news for the Donk.) * 2-8 - Like above, but slightly better. Raise this hand as well. * 3-7, 3-8 - Again, closer to becoming useful, but still not there. It will beat the above hands, but will get beaten by so many others, including an almost equally crappy 3-8. (3-8 my favourite hand.) * 2-9, 3-9, 4-9 - Not much better than the Donk hands above, but still beatable by anyone with pocket 10’s or better. If you get a flop filled with low cards, don’t let that 9 fool you into thinking you have a better hand than anyone else either. (so you can still bet) You won’t get a straight with this. (good thing.) * 2-10 - Hall of Famer Doyle Brunson (what a shark) infamously captured two World Series Bracelets with it, remember thinking you can do the same' will make you one of the best Donks the game has ever seen. * 5-9 - Unlike you, this hand has proven to be a loser, even suited. So don’t bother trying fold. * 4-7, 4-8, 5-8, 3-6, etc - If you draw low, unsuited cards, try to be a hero (if you hit a straight you'll look a Donk). Just call. I’ve seen donks try to build a straight out of nothing, and get them just about every time. (remember if you hit your straight just check, the other player might fold if you bet, and will never know how great a Donk you are.) * Face Card + Low Card, Unsuited - Don’t be fooled by that face. This is probably the most common shark mistake - folding because there scared of the kicker (what a winner), thinking you can build something with your single face card, only to be beaten by a better kicker. Keep it up, Donks! * Ace + Low Card, Unsuited - Another common mistake by pro's and sharks, these cards should be played especially at big tables. But think about folding if you you’re in a blind (unless a raised in early position, then you should call or raise). And then think of the feeling when you beat Queens with your lonely Ace. What a donk! (remberer with unsuited cards you have twice as many chances to make a flush.)
Joined: Oct '08
Location: Netherlands
Age: 64 (M)
Posts: 2193
If you were to read this would you take it serious ............................................
Because it is on a web site alot of peple will take it serious . So when you get your site up make shore you have a sucribe buton on it asking them for there poker room ID and what sites thay play on and then put it up on here so we all can chalange them to a HU game and take all there money of of them
Well I beleve every thing I read in the Sundy Sport newspaper
. So when you get your site up make shore you have a sucribe buton on it asking them for there 
